What kind of life do I want to lead is a circling background question that haunts me daily. I never feel like I am living my life just watching an incredibly boring channel that never gets exciting. I do not feel as if anything defines me. When I think of myself and I am sure this is the same for others there is no real concrete definition for me other than she is you know, Brittany. What the hell is that supposed to mean?! I was once told that I am vanilla. Vanilla, your standard no nothing flavor. The background noise of flavors. That comment haunts me. I spent most of my days trying to project a person that I feel is what I would like to be, but that isn't really me. So I guess I am at the point in which I must face the music and accept the person I am. Easier said than done. I feel like a ship at sea with it sail set and no direction or destination. I guess that that can be considered a blessing because instead of being focused on achieving some goal I can enjoy the ride to nowhere. And if it becomes to monotonous or just plain not what I want I can point myself in the right direction.
As of today I am in either my second to last or third to last semester as a chem major writing minor at Chicago State. I of course am doing mediocre in that. I am probably a week away from getting fired from my six and half years at Starbucks. Chris and I have been dating on and off for seven years and have yet again come to the realization that we don't work but have tied one another together in a lease ending in May. We will see where I will go and whether or not this ship sinks or sails into new and uncharted lands.
I shouldn't put this out there but I think I need to find and secure the life boat and life preserves.
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